I\u2019ve woken up, at about 3.45 am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Appalling depressive thoughts crowd my mind. Which is very normal for me. A desire to end my struggles with life by simply throwing in the towel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I consult my affirmation cue-cards: lots of admonitions to remain calm\/enjoy life. Less about how to effectively live it. Might need to address this!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Listening to rain sounds on YT, as normal these days, to help me sleep. At least I\u2019m not dependent on pills. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I reflect on one positive thing – although to parts of my mind it feels like a loss, and an admission of feebleness, etc. – and that\u2019s my cessation of desire for intoxication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s starting to feel, and has for quite some time now, thankfully, that I simply no longer have the desire to medicate my woes by seeking oblivion in booze, or whatever. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m fervently hoping that this is indeed a lesson learned. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then there are patterns. A newly emergent pattern is early waking. What do I do about it? Normally I just try and continue sleep. But now, I\u2019m typing this. And after, I might go back to reading?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Teresa\u2019s taken to leaving a sidelight on in our room. I might need to turn it off, to help me sleep? Small details like this can assume enormous, even terrifying, proportions. When you feel you\u2019re teetering on the brink.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve woken up, at about 3.45 am. Appalling depressive thoughts crowd my mind. Which is very normal for me. A desire to end my struggles with life by simply throwing in the towel. I consult my affirmation cue-cards: lots of admonitions to remain calm\/enjoy life. Less about how to effectively live it. Might need to … <\/p>\n