I\u2019m lying in bed at 9.30 am. Having been in bed since 7.30 last night. That\u2019s 14 hours in bed. And I feel totally exhausted and unmotivated. Or, rather\/perhaps (?), motivated to do as little as possible, until I go out delivering. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now it seems maybe yesterday\u2019s Do It Now cue-card might be more apt of significant than it felt at the time? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In part at least, I\u2019m struggling with the fall-out, no doubt, of the last 14 months saga. Despite that being officially over now, it\u2019s far from over for me psychologically, alas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A worrying thought has been fusing in my mind. What if my current malaise isn\u2019t caused by these events, but lies much deeper? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019d wanted to quit teaching before the everything went pear-shaped. But I had no alternative plan. Delivering for Amazon is supposedly just a stop gap. But I\u2019ve been doing it over a year now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve struggled with depression pretty much all my adult life. Indeed, prob\u2019 since my mid-teens. But I had started feeling better, just prior to this latest and by far the worst episode. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of the problems is that the deeper down a dark well you tunnel, the harder it is to see things as they really are. Or so it seems to me. So much so that – like so many people in life – you wind up with a very parochial lack of general awareness. You can\u2019t see the bigger picture. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To use a very apt clich\u00e9, you can\u2019t see the wood for the trees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then there\u2019s what I\u2019m doing now, trying to think my way out of it all. Is it time I realised that that hasn\u2019t really worked for me,? Looked at over the overall span, thus far, of my life? Has the time come (is it way overdue?), when action should replace thought?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Getting out and doing always leads to things developing or happening in a way thinking alone not only doesn\u2019t, but – through overthinking and confusion – actively works against. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ulrika! That\u2019s it. Despite the dopey (literally) soporific attraction of what I learned today Gen-Z Tik-Tok-ers are calling \u2018bedrotting\u2019, I must – in an attitude of (ironically) mind over mood – get up, get out, get on!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m lying in bed at 9.30 am. Having been in bed since 7.30 last night. That\u2019s 14 hours in bed. And I feel totally exhausted and unmotivated. Or, rather\/perhaps (?), motivated to do as little as possible, until I go out delivering. Now it seems maybe yesterday\u2019s Do It Now cue-card might be more apt … <\/p>\n