{"id":23167,"date":"2024-09-19T05:57:37","date_gmt":"2024-09-19T04:57:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sebpalmer.com\/blog\/?p=23167"},"modified":"2024-09-19T06:37:50","modified_gmt":"2024-09-19T05:37:50","slug":"health-wellbeing-monday-meltdown","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.sebpalmer.com\/blog\/?p=23167","title":{"rendered":"HEALTH & WELLBEiNG: Monday Meltdown"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Booze\u2026<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Well, things got too much for me, and Monday evening I snapped, or let go, or whatever. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wilfully \u2018got fucked\u2019. Partly as a response to constant work\/money issues. Partly other stuff; which I\u2019ll simply call general depression (arising from numerous causes; least said, soonest mended).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On this occasion it was just booze that I abused: a small-ish bottle of gin, and a standard bottle of red wine. The intended aim? Oblivion. Which I succeeded in. But not without dire consequence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I smashed a picture frame, cutting my hand, and raged and raved, behaving pretty atrociously, by all accounts. The oblivion I sought was found, such that some of this sorry episode – perhaps I should be grateful? – is entirely lost to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I posted a message to FB – obviously both venting and a cry for help – which is, obviously, very embarrassing once the fit has passed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since this occurred I\u2019ve confined myself to bed, and \u2018recovery mode\u2019. Near enough sleeping around the clock. Or just resting. Reading a bit, if I can muster the wherewithal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yesterday (Wednesday) I managed to do several hours of telephone based admin work, that desperately needed sorting. All of which revolved around sorting a working mobile phone (my latest iPhone SE not working has, it turns out, been part of the lack of work issue taking so long to resolve).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A new phone has been procured, via an insurance claim, costing me \u00a355 (at a time when I\u2019m totally broke), and should be arriving today. And all the documentation Amazon have requested – and which I was unable to successfully supply via the old\/broken SE – has, via a secondary\/backup iPhone 6S, now been sent. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, hopefully, I\u2019ll be back to delivering, fairly soon; could still take \u2018up to five working days\u2019! That\u2019ll bring this current period of unemployment to a full month. Or \u00a31200+ out of pocket. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m trying – tho\u2019 barely managing (or more accurately not<\/em> managing) to succeed in doing so – to sell some more drum stuff. I\u2019ve got as far as getting it all down from the attic. But I have yet to place adverts, or whatever else I might do to sell the stuff. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Not as easy as one might think\u2026<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve had – as I always do, when things go south – a constant loop of self-destructive thoughts playing in my mind. One reason I\u2019m confined to bed is that if I did get up and go out, it might be in search of rope and a tree. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Not a method available to me.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Teresa remains my rock. She stayed home on Tuesday, to keep an eye on me. Which I think was very necessary. That got me through the worst post-meltdown period. I called Samaritans several times that day. Probably spent a total of about two hours talking to them. Thank goodness they are there!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Having just got and read Tolkien\u2019s Lay of Aotrou & Itroun,<\/em> I think it\u2019s (fairly?) safe to say that it touched a raw nerve, for me, re our childlessness. Whilst Tolkien\u2019s doomed Lord takes a potion to bring forth issue, my \u2018potion\u2019 merely seeks oblivion. But both have dire results.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t want to go into this aspect of my current struggles. But the Tex Avery pics, and Tolkien\u2019s tale, I think, will convey something of the issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rather tragically, for me, at least as I see it, my fate must needs be more that of an ascetic monk than a princess-rescuing dragon-slaying adventurer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It seems that I\u2019m a hyper-sensitive endorphin junkie. And that to manage my \u2018condition\u2019, if I want to survive (never mind \u2018prosper\u2019, which seems an outcome that remains totally beyond reach) I must abstain from everything my pleasure-seeking self longs to indulge in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Well, things got too much for me, and Monday evening I snapped, or let go, or whatever. I wilfully \u2018got fucked\u2019. Partly as a response to constant work\/money issues. Partly other stuff; which I\u2019ll simply call general depression (arising from numerous causes; least said, soonest mended). On this occasion it was just booze that I … <\/p>\n

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