It\u2019s just past midnight. I\u2019m sitting upright-ish, in bed. Not able, currently, to sleep. I hate insomnia with the deep-seated hatred of bitter experience. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sadly, a common cold, or a nights\u2019 disrupted sleep, can be life-threatening for me these days. Why? Because I\u2019ve been ground down by adversity and suffering – and no doubt being a right tit – for sooooooooooooooooo fucking long. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I lie\/sit here, awake. I wish only for oblivion. The cessation of suffering. Or just plain cessation. And such feelings hardly seem hysterical or unreasonable to me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I durs\u2019nt act on them. Because that would be cowardly and selfish. Say The Living. To me it would be bold and decisive. A positive move, to bring about a state devoutly wished for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ho fucking hum\u2026 it\u2019s cowardly selfishness and laziness, and brute in-built survival instincts, that keep me going. What a sorry carry on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s just past midnight. I\u2019m sitting upright-ish, in bed. Not able, currently, to sleep. I hate insomnia with the deep-seated hatred of bitter experience. Sadly, a common cold, or a nights\u2019 disrupted sleep, can be life-threatening for me these days. Why? Because I\u2019ve been ground down by adversity and suffering – and no doubt being … <\/p>\n