Misc: Thoughts, 15th Nov, \u201821. Gonna go a bit stream o\u2019 conch on this one!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Very poor nights\u2019 sleep. Appalling headaches. Multiple doses of co-cocodamol ineffectual. Head-ache, or top of spine\/base of skull-ache? Physical or psychological?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eventually fell asleep round 3+am, only to wake around 5am from kaleidoscopically psychedelic dreams of cartoon based anxiety! Some character, like an offshoot of my imagination (or a facet of me?), as a paranoid genius psychedelic cartoonist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A whole showreel of this stuff plays out visually, rapidly and intensely, in my mind. Very much in \u2018the mind\u2019s eye\u2019. Way too complex and rapidly evolving to be captured or replicated. Very very VERY powerful stuff! Alarmingly so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Got me thinking and worrying about illness, most specifically psychological or mental health. And relation to modern diseases, from Covid to \u2018bi-polarity\u2019, & my current medicated self: adalimumab, citalopram and co-codamol\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[Pic?]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve been off the citalopram anti-depressant about a week. Through my prescription lapsing\/laziness. Are the whirling visions\/headaches symptoms of addiction and withdrawal?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Feel like I must get these meds, my script rather urgently, today!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The bonkers psychedelic cartoon dream thing of this morning was incredible. I kind of wish I could harness the talent or power of what I was imagining. But it strikes me as a forlorn hope. As it was a maelstrom of multifaceted divergent weirdness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was like a combination of r crumb, that Zappa clay-mation guy (name? why is the name Travis Bickle coming to mind\u2026 that\u2019s the Taxi Driver<\/em> nutter, right?) and Terry Gilliam\u2019s Monty Python animations. But also totally unique. Part of the idea was that it was totally uncorked, unrestrained, (out of control?); so wild and varied as to bewilder and frustrate categorisation \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n And there were disapproving antagonists, who \u2018belonged\u2019 to a fuzzily ill-defined community. The psychedelic nutter artist was like that aspect of me that simultaneously doesn\u2019t want to be caged by definitions and yet seeks approval for the depth, range and intensity of its evolving \u2018visions\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Pic?]<\/p>\n\n\n\n This was some seriously powerful shit! That had (has?) me properly freaked out! What\u2019s with all this psychedelic maelstrom stuff? When I\u2019m straight\u2026 what\u2019s the deal with my neurological-biochemical psychological set-up right now, that it\u2019s suddenly gone so intensely hyper and volatile, and, frankly, a bit scary?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Writing all this down puts me in mind, I knoweth not why, of that saying about folk being \u2018scared of their own greatness\u2019. An idea I\u2019ve always poo-poo\u2019ed (that brings to mind a Lord Melchett scene from Blackadder Goes Fo(u)rth!), but that seems apt to my mind in context of this mornings Krakatoa of mental and physical weirdness \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n I took a lateral flow test yesterday, cause I\u2019ve been coughing, had a sore throat, and have these clanging chimes of doom headaches. But, as ever, it came out negative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the one hand that\u2019s good. But on the other, I feel something is definitely amiss. Mentally, or physically. Or both!? But then again, perhaps not!?!? I suppose that\u2019s the mystery of life! One really never quite knows exactly what\u2019s happening, or what it\u2019s really all about\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Pic?]<\/p>\n\n\n\n If I could capture the powerful range of expression in the art I dreamed about. But making dreams real? Or believing what one dreams to be either \u2018a messsge\u2019 or \u2018sign\u2019\u2026 is it not oft said that that way madness lies?<\/p>\n\n\n\n At one point the somewhat enraged frustrated \u2018artist\u2019 character in my dream says \u2018what do I have to do to win your approval?\u2019 Which touches on another deep well of psychological angst!<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve been kind of opting to \u2018go with the flow\u2019 of life lately. Is it just laziness? Or is it also, at least in part, a fruition of a process that I feel has bought me the hugest degree of inner peace and happiness I\u2019ve known in years?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Surrendering to \u2018what is\u2019, and not hankering plaintively after what imagination – or other mirages of the mind; whether that\u2019s my own mind or society\u2019s – sometimes suggests, has, or so I\u2019ve been increasingly believing, really helped change me from a mass of quivering jelly like neuroses to a reasonably calm happy individual\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well\u2026 here-endeth-the-musings\u2026 for now at least!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Misc: Thoughts, 15th Nov, \u201821. Gonna go a bit stream o\u2019 conch on this one! Very poor nights\u2019 sleep. Appalling headaches. Multiple doses of co-cocodamol ineffectual. Head-ache, or top of spine\/base of skull-ache? Physical or psychological? Eventually fell asleep round 3+am, only to wake around 5am from kaleidoscopically psychedelic dreams of cartoon based anxiety! Some … <\/p>\n