Seb Palmer

‘Here’s a little number I tossed off recently at the Academy…’ Brilliant! Such a funny little ditty.

This song, and esp’ the way it ends, also reminds me of a pithy little saying attributed to Robin Williams: *

‘See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.’

* I’ve tried to find out where and when he allegedly said this (I’d previously thought it was either Woody Allen, or maybe even Jasper Carrott!), and – until I found the above video – the best I’d come up with is that he might’ve said it on stage: Live On Broadway (2002).

Pic

I haven’t been playing guitar at all, for ages. And my Yamaha CG-100A has been gathering dust, with a missing D-string, for way too long.

I canvassed opinion on FB, re the best choice for new strings, and D’Addario Pro Arte were clear favourites. Turns out these were what I used last time!

One thing that occurs to me is, given it’s usually the same string that snaps – namely the D – I ought to just get a few of those, individually.

This popped up on Goodreads when I checked in with that app today. A sound bit of advice that resonates down the ages.

A spot of borderline insomnia lead me to watch two horror films last night; Wes Craven’s The Last House On The Left (1972), and the much more recent X (2022), by Ti West.

I have to confess, I enjoyed them both. Craven’s much older film is pretty grim, and follows on ‘nicely’ from Death Wish, in a way, inasmuch as there’s a ‘revenge porn’ aspect.

I won’t synopsise either in any detail here, as there’s plenty of other places where one can read recapitulations of their plots. What they have in common are interlaced themes of sex and violence.

In Last House, which Craven purportedly based on Ingmar Bergman’s brilliantly dark Virgin Spring, we see youthful beauty and innocence destroyed, leading all-American parents to an orgy of violent retribution.

X, by contrast, follows a small film crew and their ‘talent’, set on making a porno flick, who wind up in hillbilly hell, a la Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Actress Mia Goth is both the lone surviving aspiring porn queen, and elderly psychotic murderess, Pearl.

Last House was considered an appalling shocker at the time. And, seen as an exemplar of the ‘video nasty’ phenomenon, was banned in the UK for decades. It all seems pretty tame now. Nasty at times. But massively eclipsed by far more graphic depravity in later years.

It is brutal, undoubtedly, as is X. But both also have some degree of a lighter, even humorous side, as well (esp’ the dumb-ass cop duo in Last House). And so it is that now we have indeed become rather inured to such violence and gore. Indeed, it’s assumed, and correctly so, that many viewers will revel in these once decried aspects.

Both of these films are, I would say, well shot and directed. X is the slicker of the two. And is actually quite beautiful visually at times. And both also manage to be cleverer than they might appear, at first glance.

The one theme that might elevate X above run of the mill horror is that of ageing, in relation to sex, beauty, etc. Sinister old wrinkly evil types aren’t anything new:

But depicting them as libidinous and sexually frustrated/active is a tad more unusual. And the pathos of a once beautiful Southern Belle turned murderous ol’ hag, does have aspects of poignancy, in addition to the more usual ‘yuck’ factor.

Anyway, whatever gets you through the night, as Lennon (and others) have sung… And last night that was, rather unexpectedly, horror movies!

Judged purely on quantity Woody Allen is very clearly my favourite film director. I currently have something in the region of 45 DVDs of his movies, films he appears in, or that are about him.

This blog entry is a place for me to keep track of the stuff by or with/about him, that I don’t yet have. That includes:

• What’s Up Tiger Lily, 1966
• Small Time Crooks, 2000
• Hollywood Ending, 2002
• Scoop, 2006
• To Rome With Love, 2012
• Blue Jasmine, 2013
• Irrational Man, 2015
• Wonder Wheel, 2017
• Rifkin’s Festival, 2020
• Coup de Chance, TBA

I have seen some of the above. And might even have one or two as digital downloads. But I don’t have them as part of my otherwise quite comprehensive Woody DVD collection. Sadly at present finances preclude expanding the collection!

The situation for me, is a bit like it is with Tom Waits; my favourite Waits stuff is everything up to about Rain Dogs/Frank’s Wild Years, maybe even Big Time? Thereafter Tom remains a great artist, but my passionate attachment to or love for his work fades somewhat.

With Woody he really gets going around the early ‘70s, and has a long wide purple patch running way into the 1980s, possibly even the ‘90s. But from the ‘noughties’ on, things have been more hit and miss.

There are occasional gems, like The Curse Of The Jade Scorpion, and Midnight In Paris. But after 1994’s terrific Bullets Over Broadway, I’m no longer compelled by his output, as I am in the years prior to that.

Based on a 1972 novel of the same name, Michael Winner’s 1974 movie met with a pretty high degree of disapproval on release.

I’ve long wanted to see it, largely due to Herbie Hancock doing the soundtrack. But I’ve never gotten around to it. Until now. And the funny thing is, I’d forgotten Herbie did the music. So I’m watching it, and immediately I’mthinking ‘god damn it, this music’s unusually good!’ So I google it… oh yeah, it’s the Herbmeister!

Personally I think it’s actually a pretty well made movie. Obviously made much better by the very groovy music. The basic idea, plot wise, is as old as the hills. After he is wronged, a man takes the law into his own hands. From Westerns galore, through to Clint and Sly Stallone, even Ingmar Bergman’s Virgin Spring, it’s a long established plot.

Without Herbie’s music, this might just be a rather workmanlike entry in that long established tradition. Okay, so it’s very ‘70s, but in a good way, I’d argue; gritty, urban, grim. But, as a movie, pretty enjoyable.

There’s even an element of humour, with Bronson’s Paul Kersey character referencing the Western tradition, which this movie is a very definite cog somewhat twisted modern heir to. This is most obvious when Kersey challenges an assailant to ‘draw’, and again, when he asks Inspector Frank Ochoa (the stand in for the sheriff) if he needs to be out of town ‘by sundown’.

Charles Bronson is great as Kersey, the taciturn former CO (conscientious objector, as opposed to commanding officer) and Korean War medic, who snaps and turns vigilante, when his wife is murdered, and his daughter sexually assaulted (and left so traumatised she can’t function), in a home invasion mugging turned violent.

The film takes its time, building to the protagonists’ crossing the line. And Bronson’s Kersey is physically sick after his first rather impulsive slaying. Ochoa, ill and overweight, is nonetheless a resolute legal beagle. So the Western tradition and it’s heirs are somewhat subverted, in this grimmer modern urban ‘Wild East‘.

Personally I think this film is much more nuanced than its detractors, at the time of release, realised. Despite his brawny physique Bronson/Kersey isn’t typical leading man material, facially speaking. There’s even a depth to him that makes his role here quite beguiling.

And, as well as the self-deprecating awareness of the clichés it draws upon, there’s an interesting relationship with ideas that have become ever stronger with time, such as the media’s role in such things, and the vigilante as modern urban hero. I like how this idea is somewhat undermined when Kersey passes out, during his final ‘mission’ to clean up the streets of NY, near the end of the film.

Somehow – maybe it’s just chutzpah? – Death Wish walks a tightrope between being grossly clichéd and grittily realistic, in its depiction of contemporary urban grimness. The plot, acting, direction, and music all contribute to making a rather familiar idea quite refreshingly compelling and entertaining.

Perhaps the most strikingly dated things (for some another might be the music; but I love it!) are the hippy-bum-ne’erdowells. These are not ‘60s love and peaceniks, but the amoral dregs of a more Last Exit To Brooklyn type lineage.

The home invasion scene, which sets up the rest of the movie, is really quite nasty. The villains are repulsively trashy and amoral. Jeff Goldblum’s character in particular is an appalling avatar for the idea of modern urban youth as poisoned and toxic beyond redemption.

The book was, I’ve read, unequivocally anti-vigilante. The movie is, according to its detractors at the time, not just ambivalent, but, but unabashedly pro vigilantism. This scenario caused the author of the book to produce a sequel, Death Sentence, clarifying or reinforcing the anti-violence message.

The movies meanwhile, would spawn a further series of films – six in all (so far!) – all of which are more blatantly exploitative of the longstanding tradition of retributive violence, as meted out by the lone man pushed too far.

The first three of these are all by Winner, and Bronson reprises his role as Kersey in all but the last, in which Bruce Willis stars (and Eli Roth directs). All oh these remakes are, according to most critics, blatant ‘revenge porn‘. I

guess they have a case that even this original film version certainly leans that way. But as critic John DeFore noted, the later iterations make the original ‘look philosophical by comparison’.

Having invested in a load of fancy ring binders and wallets, for some of our DVD collection, which has grown way too space consuming, it’s taken me many years to finally get round to cataloguing what’s in these folders, and trying to impose some kind of order on the inchoate mass.

There are currently 18 of these folders. Eleven are general movies of all sorts, with Hitchcock and Woody Allen both very well represented. Teresa collecting the former, me the latter. Then there are the remaining folders, some of which house a good chunk of my war movie collection, with other covering music, comedy, documentary, etc.

Cataloguing all this stuff is proving very labour intensive and time consuming! I think that as well as having web pages like this, I’ll also do PDF catalogues, for both print and digital storage. Don’t want to lose all this work!

1

• Against The Wind (TV series), 1978
• Alamo, The, 1960
• Amelie, 2001
• An Ideal Husband, 1999
• Anderson, Wes – The Darjeeling, 2007
• Anderson, Wes – The Grand Budapest, 2014
• Austen, Jane – Emma (TV series), 1996
• Austen, Jane – Mansfield Park (TV series)
• Austen, Jane – Northanger Abbey (TV series)
• Austen, Jane – Emma, 1996
• Baraka, 1992
• Bergman, Ingmar – All These Women, 1964
• Bergman, Ingmar – Cries & Whispers, 1972
• Bergman, Ingmar – The Virgin Spring, 1960
• Bettie Page, 2005
• Black Death, 2010
• Blithe Spirit, 1945
• Bogart, Humphrey – The African Queen, 1951
• Bogart, Humphrey – The Caine Mutiny, 1954
• Bogart, Humphrey – Casablanca, 1942
• Bogart, Humphrey – The Harder They Fall, 1956
• Bogart, Humphrey – Key Largo, 1948
• Bogart, Humphrey – The Maltese Falcon, 1941
• Braveheart, 1995

2

• Buffalo ‘66, 1998
• Caravaggio, 1986
• Coen Bros – Big Lebowski, The, 1998
• Coen Bros – Hudsucker Proxy, The, 1994
• Coen Bros – O Brother, 2000
• Coen Bros – Raising Arizona, 1987
• Coco Before Chanel, 2009
• Collateral, 2004
• Cromwell, 1970
• Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, 2000
• Dead Trilogy – Night of the Living, 1968
• Dead Trilogy – Dawn of, 1978
• Dead Trilogy – Day of, 1985
• Delicatessen, 1991
• Dr Who – An Unearthly Child, 1963
• Dr Who – The Hand of Fear, 1976
• Dr Who – The Robots of Death, 1977
• Dr Who – Planet of Evil, 1975
• Dr Who – Creature From The Pit, 1979
• Dr Who – Pyramids of Mars, 1975
• Dr Who – Brain of Morbius, 1976
• Dr Who – Leisure Hive, 1980
• Dr Who – Revenge of the Cybermen, 1975
• Dr Who – City of Death, 1979
• Dr Who – The Ark in Space, 1975
• Dr Who – Horror of Fang Rock, 1978

3

• Dr Who – Genesis of the Daleks, 1975
• Dr Who – Robot, 1974-75
• Double Indemnity, 1944
• Ealing – Went The Day Well, 1942
• Ealing – Nicholas Nickleby, 1947
• Ealing – Passport to Pimlico, 1949
• Ealing – Kind Hearts &Coronets, 1949
• Ealing – The Maggie, 1954
• Ealing – It Always Rains, 1947
• Ealing – Whisky Galore, 1949
• Ealing – Champagne Charlie, 1944
• Ealing – The Magnet, 1950
• Ealing – Scott of the Antarctic , 1948
• Ealing – Man in White Suit, 1951
• Ealing – The Ladykillers, 1955
• Evil Dead, The,1981
• Evil Dead 2, 1984
• Evil Dead 3, Army of Darkness, 1992
• Fistful of Dynamite, 1971
• Frida, 2002
• Galaxy Quest, 1999
• Gladiator, 2000
• Gosford Park, 2001
• Herzog – Aguirre, 1972
• Herzog – Woyzeck, 1979
• Herzog – Nosferatu, 1979
• Herzog – Fitzcarraldo, 1982
• Herzog – Cobra Verde, 1987
• Herzog – My Best Fiend, 1999

4

• Herzog – Grizzly Man, 2005
• Hitchcock – The Lady Vanishes, 1938
• Hitchcock – Jamaica Inn, 1938
• Hitchcock – Rebecca, 1940
• Hitchcock – Shadow of a Doubt, 1943
• Hitchcock – Lifeboat, 1944
• Hitchcock – Foreign Correspondent, 1940
• Hitchcock – Mr & Mrs Smith, 1941
• Hitchcock – Suspicion, 1941
• Hitchcock – Saboteur, 1942
• Hitchcock – Spellbound, 1945
• Hitchcock – Dial M for Murder, 1954
• Hitchcock – Notorious, 1946
• Hitchcock – Paradine Case, 1947
• Hitchcock – Rope, 1948
• Hitchcock – Stage Fright, 1950
• Hitchcock – To Catch a Thief, 1955
• Hitchcock – The Man Who Knew Too Much, 1956
• Hitchcock – Rear Window, 1954
• Hitchcock – The Trouble With Harry, 1955
• Hitchcock – Vertigo, 1958
• Hitchcock – The Wrong Man, 1956
• Hitchcock – Psycho, 1960
• Hitchcock – The Birds, 1963
• Hitchcock – Torn Curtain, 1966
• Hitchcock – Topaz, 1968
• Hitchcock – Frenzy, 1972
• Hitchcock – Strangers On A Train, 1951
• Horror – An Armenian Werepig In Aberystwyth, 1981
• Horror – The Fall of the House of Usher, 1970

5

• Horror – Dracula Has Risen From the Grave, 1968
• Horror – Taste the Blood of Dracula, 1970
• Horror – Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed, 1969
• Horror – Countess Dracula, 1971
• Horror – Hands of the Ripper, 1971
• Horror – The Monster, 1975
• Horror – Vampire Circus, 1972
• Horror – Twins of Evil, 1971
• Horror – The Pit & the Pendulum, 1961
• Horror – Masque of the Red Death, 1964
• Horror – Frankenstein, 19??
• Horror – The Bride of Frankenstein, 19??
• Horror – Ghost Stories, 1971-2
• Horror – The Uncanny, 1977
• Horror – The Woman in Black, 2012
• Indiana Jones, Raiders, 1981
• Indiana Jones, Temple, 1984
• Indiana Jones, Last Crusade, 1989
• Illusionist, The, 2010
• Interview With A Vampire, 1994
• It’s A Wonderful Life, 1946
• James Bond – Dr No, 1962
• James Bond – From Russia with Love, 1963
• James Bond – Goldfinger, 1964
• James Bond – You Only Live Twice, 1967
• James Bond – Thunderball, 1965
• James Bond – Live & Let Die, 1973
• James Bond – The Man with the Golden Gun, 1974

6

• James Bond – The Spy Who Loved Me, 1977
• James Bond – Moonraker, 1979
• James Bond – For Your Eyes Only, 1981
• James Bond – Octopussy, 1983
• James Bond – On Her Majesty’s SS, 1969
• James Bond – Never Say Never Again, 1983
• Jim Jarmusch – Stranger Than Paradise, 1984
• Jim Jarmusch – Down By Law, 1986
• Jim Jarmusch – Mystery Train, 1989
• Jim Jarmusch – Dead Man, 1995
• Jim Jarmusch – The Limits of Control, 2009
• King Kong, 2005
• Kinsey, 2004
• Koyaanisqatsi/Powaqqatsi, 1982/1988
• Last Exit to Brooklyn, 1989
• Lincoln, 2012
• Lord of the Rings (Bakshi), 1978
• Lord of the Rings (Jackson trilogy), 2001
• Marco Polo (TV series), 1982
• Mars Attacks, 1996
• Martin, Steve – Dead men Don’t Wear Plaid, 1982

7

• Martin, Steve – The Jerk, 1979
• Martin, Steve – Roxanne, 1987
• Monty Python – Life of Brian, 1979
• Monty Python – Meaning of Life, 1983
• Moulin Rouge, 1952
• Moulin Rouge, 2001
• Mrs Brown, 1996
• Muhammad Ali, 2002
• Mummy, The, 1999
• Mystery Men, 1999
• Nacho Libre, 2006
• Odessa File, The, 1974
• One From The Heart, 1981
• Our Man in Havana, 1959
• Perfume, 2006
• Pollock, 2000
• Pulp Fiction, 1994
• Radio On, 1979
• Rambo, 2008
• Ran, 1985
• Ride With the Devil, 1999
• Santa Sangre, 1989
• Schwarzenegger – Commando, 1985
• Schwarzenegger – Conan the Barbarian, 1982

8

• Schwarzenegger – Predator, 1987
• Schwarzenegger – The 6th Day, 2000
• Schwarzenegger – Terminator, 1984
• Sellers, Peter – Wrong Arm of the Law, 1963
• Sellers, Peter – Never Let Go, 1960
• Sellers, Peter – Soft Beds, Hard Battles, 1974
• Sellers, Peter – I’m Alright Jack, 1959
• Sellers, Peter – The Mouse That Roared, 1959
• Sellers, Peter – The Party, 1968
• Sellers, Peter – The Pink Panther, 1963
• Sellers, Peter – The Return of the Pink Panther, 1975
• Sellers, Peter – A Shot in the Dark, 1964
• Sellers, Peter – The Pink Panther Strikes Again, 1976
• Sellers, Peter – On The Trail of the Pink Panther, 1982
• See No Evil, Hear No Evil, 1989
• Selling Hitler (TV series), 1991
• Seven Samurai, 1954
• Shakespeare In Love, 1998
• Silent Running, 1972
• Spartacus, 1960
• Spider Man, 2002
• Spider Man 2, 2004
• Spinal Tap, 1984
• Stir Crazy, 1980

9

• Star Wars – New Hope, 1977
• Star Wars – Empire Strikes Back, 1980
• Star Wars – Return of the Jedi, 1983
• Star Wars – Bonus material, 2004
• Straight Story, The, 1999
• Stuck On You, 2003
• Super Fly, 1972
• Superman I, 1978
• Superman II, 1980
• Superman III, 1983
• Tintin & the Golden Fleece, 1961
• Tintin (cartoons) [5 discs], 1991-2
• Tipping the Velvet (TV series?), 2002
• Topsy Turvy, 1999
• Tropic Thunder, 2008
• Twelve Monkeys, 1995
• Vanity Fair, 2004
• Vanity Fair (TV series), 1998
• War & Peace (TV series), 2016?
• War & Peace (TV series), 1972
• War of the Worlds, 2005

10

• Warrior, 2001
• Weeping Camel, 2003
• Welles, Orson – Citizen Kane, 1941
• Welles, Orson – A Man For All Seasons, 1966
• Welles, Orson – Waterloo, 1970
• Welles, Orson – The Lady From Shanghai, 1947
• Wenders, Wim – Kings of the Road, 1976
• Wenders, Wim – Paris Texas, 1984
• West Side Story, 1961
• What Happened to Kerouac? 1986
• When Harry Met Sally, 1989
• Withnail & I, 1987
• Woody Allen – Take The Money & Run, 1969
• Woody Allen – Bananas, 1971
• Woody Allen – Everything… 1972
• Woody Allen – Play It Again, Sam, 1972
• Woody Allen – Sleeper, 1973
• Woody Allen – Love & Death, 1975
• Woody Allen – The Front, 1976
• Woody Allen – Annie Hall, 1977
• Woody Allen – Interiors, 1978
• Woody Allen – Manhattan, 1979
• Woody Allen – Stardust Memories, 1980
• Woody Allen – A Midsummer Night’s Sex Comedy, 1982
• Woody Allen – Zelig, 1983
• Woody Allen – The Purple Rose of Cairo, 1985

11

• Woody Allen – Broadway Danny Rose, 1984
• Woody Allen – Hannah & her Sisters, 1986
• Woody Allen – Radio Days, 1987
• Woody Allen – September, 1987
• Woody Allen – Another Woman, 1988
• Woody Allen (et al) – New York Stories, 1989
• Woody Allen – Crimes & Misdemeanours, 1989
• Woody Allen – Scenes From A Mall, 1991
• Woody Allen – Shadows & Fog, 1991
• Woody Allen – Alice, 1990
• Woody Allen – Husbands & Wives, 1992
• Woody Allen – Manhattan Murder Mystery, 1993
• Woody Allen – Bullets Over Broadway, 1994
• Woody Allen – Mighty Aphrodite, 1095
• Woody Allen – Everyone Says I Love You, 1996
• Woody Allen – Deconstructing Harry, 1997
• Woody Allen – Celebrity, 1998
• Woody Allen – Sweet & Lowdown, 1999
• Woody Allen – Curse of the Jade Scorpion, 2001
• Woody Allen – Anything Else, 2003
• Woody Allen – Melinda & Melinda, 2004
• Woody Allen – Match Point, 2005
• Woody Allen – Cassandra’s Dream, 2007
• Woody Allen – Vicky Cristina Barcelona, 2008
• Woody Allen – Whatever Works, 2009
• Woody Allen – You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, 2010
• Woody Allen – Midnight in Paris, 2011
• Woody Allen – Magic in the Moonlight, 2014
• Woody Allen – Café Society, 2016
• Woody Allen – A Documentary, 2012
• Young Victoria, 2009
• Zoolander, 2001

Other movie folders include several dedicated to war films, and some dedicated to comedy, documentaries and music, as separate categories. Folders 1-11 (probably twelve soonish?) are just general movies.

Boxed sets and individual/loose DVDs will also be getting catalogued. As soon as time allows!

Sorting the 11 folders I just did took a lot longer than anticipated. I started around 2-3pm, yesterday, and I’m just finishing now, at midday Sunday. And I’ve been working on it solid between those two times. I’d estimate it’s taken about 14-16 hours!!!

Anyone who knows me at all well will most likely know I’m vehemently anti-royalist. I’m with Tom Paine, who said ‘Monarchy is the Popery of government.’ That said, I’m watching the coronation.

As I’m typing this South African singer Pretty Yende has just finished singing ‘Sacred Fire’, by Sarah Class. What an apt surname for a such a day! Read more about Sarah here.

As a musician and music teacher, the fact that music has such a prominent and important role in this and all such similar ceremonies is a double edged sword. It shows how central music is to culture at large.

But in broader terms the UK’s musical culture is in a pretty bad place, as a result of Brexit, under-investnent in music education (esp’ in state schools), and the abject reign of crass commercialism on all fronts.

As a lover of history, and martial history, I have to confess I do love all the military pomp and splendour. But my historically aware and critical eyes also see the way it is used to maintain an oppressive status quo.

Anyway, back to an observation on the military parade: the ‘Blues & Royals’ owe their very powerful look to Napoleonic France. They adopted their cuirasses and shiny helms thanks to their role in defeating Boney’s heavy horse at Waterloo. This was itself a triumph of the ‘Ancien Regime’, fighting against French Republicanism (despite Nap’s attempts to convert to Imperial ‘legitimacy’). The Royalty and aristocracy of Europe (Oligarchies, in truth) didn’t want French Revolutionary ideals being exported.

The two horse drummers are, as ever, really impressive. Usually, at any rate. One of them wound up doing a rather awkward looking sideways shuffle, just as the cameras were on them. No mention was made of this gaffe. Indeed, Claire Balding was fulsome in her praise of these beasts and their riders.

And the music has switched to the Abbey’s organ, and a rather ridiculous Blackpool Pier sounding musical selection! What the heck was that? Rather bizarre and comical, for a coronation.

Now it’s gone into a rather gonzo reworking of Waltzing Matilda! Apparently Chucky chose a lot (maybe all?) of the music. Bonkers. Well, a bit of research reveals that the organ weirdness was the work of one Iain Farrington, and was called ‘Voices of the World’.

Balding has just acknowledged that Apollo, one of the drum horses, is giving his rider – who also has to drum, as well as guide his steed – a rather hard time!

Just snapped the above, on’t iPhone. It’s a rather dismal day. Overcast and raining lightly. On such a gloomy note, it might be time to turn to one of the less appealing facets of this show.

Thirty-six facial recognition cameras, made in China (and banned in government buildings, on security grounds!) are being deployed to help the forces of oppression deal with anyone who might dare to show their disapproval. Our slide towards a fascist police state continues.

You can read more about this here. But I think that link is very pro usage (poss’ it’s the company providing them?), so take their gloss on it with a bag or two of salt!

So, from salt, to sand. What’s that all about? Some are saying it’s to keep the horses from slipping. Others are saying it’s because of the appalling state of the UK’s roads; filling in potholes and making it all look slightly less shabby.

If it’s the former, then surely it should be uniform along all the route? and it very clearly isn’t. So it does rather suggest it might be the latter. Either way, it kind of draws attention to the fact something is a bit odd.

Out cometh the flumpets… parp!!!

So, a bit of a lacuna here, as I was busy wrapping presents for Teresa and Chester’s forth-coming birthdays. In the meantime we’ve moved from the procession from Buck House to Westminster Abbey, to the ceremony itself.

Jeez, High Anglican is so very obviously Catholicism-lite. They even have the papal style hats! The transparent evolution of religion that’s plainly on view here – despite being swaddled in mummery – makes a mockery of the idea there’s any inherent truth in religion.

And the bizarre professions of allegiance to Protestantism jar somewhat; a relic of the ECW, a failed attempt to be rid of monarchy.

The most offensive parts of this, with deep and horrific irony, tragically, are the hypocritical genuflections towards helping the meek and needy, and serving. Oh how the ruling elite do salve their consciences.

No amount of charity work by the ‘great and the good’ can ever make a rotten system that condemns so many to bleakly hopeless poverty-stricken lives better, let alone acceptable.

But wait, who’s footing the bull?

I’m going to leave that corrective typo (bull instead of bill) in place, as it’s a Freudian slip worthy of the occasion. John Q Public, of course. The same ‘commons’ of whom over 14 million currently live below the official poverty line. The same commons the rapine Tories are robbing blind every single day.

‘Zadok The Priest’ makes its inevitable entrance. The ironies here won’t be getting any mention: written by a German composer, only able to live and work in Britain thanks to a specially enacted law, about which the odious Rees-Mogg made risibly ignorant pro-Brexit remarks (revealing himself to be extremely dumb, despite his hugely expensive Etonian education), this Germanic expression enabled by ‘free’ European movement has now become a staple of modern Tory England, the acme of regressive backwards looking ignorance.

The smorgasbord of ‘inclusivity’ at such events is in stark contrast to the elitism actually practised by the wealthy. We now have a Byzantine choir, and earlier we had a very modern take on African choral singing.

I remember being struck by all of this when Harry and Meghan were married, shortly thereafter their relation with the rest of the royal family descending into a tabloid-baiting circus of awkwardness. Harry is here, but Meghan is home in California. How very inclusive.

And how’s this for tolerant inclusivity:

*Predictive text actually rendered ‘long lost’ as ‘king list’… oddly apt!

Anyway, as the Archbishop of Cranberry drones on, peaceful anti-monarchy protesters are being arrested. Their crime? Wanting a fairer society.

Lock ‘em up and throw away the key. Better yet, hang ‘em from traitor’s gate, and put their heads on spikes. That’s what real royalty would do. And did, back in the ‘good old days’.

See our doughy, er, doughty boys and gals in blue endorsing more Royal inclusivity in Toryland here.

For a gruesome reminder of what real Royal power used to look like, have a butchers at what is purported to be Oliver Cromwell’s decapitated noggin.

Cromwell died in 1658. His corpse (or perhaps someone else’s?) was dug up by the minions of Charles II, to be hung and decapitated, along with a certain John Bradshaw and one Henry Ireton.

Cromwell’s head (or whoever’s it was) remained on a twenty foot spike until 1684, when it was blown off in a gale. It then passed through various hands, before winding up at Cromwell’s alma mater, Sidney Sussex College, Cambridge.

Read more about the peregrinations and authenticity of ‘Cromwell’s head’ here.

Somewhat ironically our Virgin set-top box decided it had had enough, and switched itself off. Even Clare Balding admitted that, after the lengthy investiture of crowning, etc, the change to a parade was ‘a bit of relief’.

And on it goes…

The military segment rumbles on, now in the garden of Buckingham Palace. Poor old military man and commentator Greville welled up in tears contemplating and admiring it. The troops did look dapper, and did their bit with proper parade ground precision.

I understand the powerful appeal of all the pomp and ceremony. But what century are we living in? As historian David Olusoga just noted, there’s a contradiction here, between our everyday lives and culture, and this sort of shenanigans. Indeed, as Olusoga also said, it accentuates the contrast.

Hmmm… well, that’s nearing five solid hours of BBC bootlicki… er, I mean coverage. And I’m all coronation-ed out. Utterly exhausted. Can one imagine what it must’ve been like for someone in a bearskin busby carrying a sodden flag? At least they’re young and fighting fit. I’m older and more knackered… Phew! And it isn’t over yet.

I’m bailing now. Getting out while I can. Pimms and some strawberries and cream probably added to my tiredness. What a rigmarole!

Today was pretty weird. I had a counselling session at 10am. I barely managed to get myself out of bed in time to be there. So of course my counsellor was late. That figures.

Then whilst mid-session, some work comes in. I’m having to take this kind of drop of the hat stuff, to ensure some money comes in. That plays havoc with arrangements. Such as my meds being dropped off ‘pm’.

Naturally I get a call during my delivery route, asking where I am. I’m working. As and when I can. Fortunately my meds can be (and are) left with a kindly neighbour. It’s bit of a faff. But it gets sorted.

Back home, and straight into a bit of weeding in the garden. Take several buckets filled with nettles, numerous stings to remember them by, and other green garden waste, to the dump.

And then an interlude. A farewell to an era, perhaps? A need to be outdoors. Free for a brief spell. A pleasant respite from ‘purpose’. A beer and a smoke. And then back to reality.

With a (free!) tin bath strapped in the boot, and empty weed buckets, it’s back home for dinner. Teresa’s terrific. Where would I be without her? A lovely pasta meal ready. And she’s pleased about the work and the weeding, and even the tin bath!

A bit of TV: Fred Dibnah frothing over the golden age of steam, and a bit of 147 snooker action on YouTube. A Guinness and some pud? All good!

And then from tin baths to hot steaming watery baths. Ah, bliss. But I’ve burnt my neck, driving around delivering with the roof down. The cool drivers’ breeze means I don’t notice sunburn. Better start carrying sun block.

The nettle stings, quite vicious at the time, are all gone. Now the pain is sunburn and a headache. Beer and smokes, sun behind the wheel? Ok, so I’m paying with a mother of a headache.

But all things considered, todays’ pleasure pain balance has at least been not just tolerable, but slightly weighted towards the better end of things. And thank goodness.

And finally, bed. How I love bed at the moment. It’s a soft warm womb-like haven. And to be clean and warm, and a bit woozy from sunshine, booze, dinner and a hot bath? It outweighs sunburn and existential angst. At least for now!

*Not our old tin bath. I’ve seen folk selling these online, for £100-200+! I’ve half a mind to clean ours up (only a little; patina is good!), and see what we can get for it.